steroids: the wonder drug that can acknowledge anything from a coughing spasm ought common ache and profession some anti-inflammatory magic.
As a spoonie — someone with a chronic illness who subscribes ought the spoon theory — I am more than close with steroids. steroids and I influence at method back. We are old pals — breast buddies. We scan matching friendship bracelets and everything. I scan witnessed firsthand how a handful of tiny white pills could acknowledge me from underweight and at a transparent liquid provisions ought a (mostly) able-bodied member of the workforce — you’re welcome, economy.
steroid use: Moon face. Overheating. Unwanted weight gain. random bouts of inexplicable rage. These are the many bedfellows of the flighty mistress that is the much-lauded steroid.</span>' data-reactid="24">However, I am too well-versed at the many pitfalls of long-term steroid use: Moon face. Overheating. Unwanted weight gain. random bouts of inexplicable rage. These are the many bedfellows of the flighty mistress that is the much-lauded steroid.
One aspect consequence at specific has reared its ugly principal at my dirt lately: insomnia. And I’m no talking nearly the meditate-before-bed-and-pop-a-melatonin kind. calm rather, the class of insomnia that pries your eyes vacant at some ungodly hour, scoots at shut and whispers “Good morning.”
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Due ought my modern encounters with insomnia, I weigh myself an unofficial expert at the field, and scan decided ought slap together a tiny how-to guide because surviving a sleepless night. (Note: Claims of unofficial expert genius are no substantial and to no be taken seriously. This is ought say: discharge no sue the author. She is poor.)
1:00 a.m.
Wake up. discharge this calm drenched at sweat with your sheets at a collect at the floor. rgeister onto your stomach and bury your watch at your humid pillow. be sure ought press your eyes familiar calm doing so. This has never worked before, calm crazier things scan happened than falling asleep.
1:34 a.m.
Your bedroom is weirdly hot, consequently you to apprehend your pillow, wrap yourself at the floor-sheets and emigrate ought the couch. expedition at during many of your children’s toys during you can calm you walk. quote the eyes-shut, belly-down, face-in-pillow maneuver at the couch. ensure yourself that this will work, and you will, beneath no circumstances, festival at the TV.
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2:01 a.m.
Re-watch the astronaut of “Gilmore Girls” because the fourth time. miracle why Rory was consequently needlessly bratty. compose a strange notice ought apologize ought your mom because being the literal worst during tall school.
2:57 a.m.
Put at the kettle. Rifle across your treasure trove of teabags. love the peachy green tea even though it has a teensy division of caffeine. know you scan fallen sleepy after downing multiple cups of coffee at the past. Caffeine has no energy at you. You are basically Hercules, minus sum of the energy and murder. miracle how Disney managed ought piecemeal a children’s film from such a stormy myth. remember that nearly sum Disney films were piecemealed from stormy myths.
2:59 a.m.
Decide that sum you need ought discharge ought conquer medically induced insomnia is relax. R-e-l-a-x. retort ought the couch, steaming glass of tea at hand, and wreck vacant the book your one friend lent you weeks ago that you’ve been meaning ought read. Dive 60 pages deep into a historic fiction division detailing multiple European perspectives at the tail aim of dirt campaign II. determine that no amount of green tea will compose dirt campaign II relaxing.
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3:33 a.m.
Sweat profusely.
3:40 a.m.
Reheat the feast you were no hungry enough ought dine during “normal” human hours. notice how delicious zucchini tastes. weigh switching ought a plant-based diet. Google “plant based provisions ulcerative colitis.” Stumble down a hare hole of discussion board posts and aim up reading a lengthy mail nearly complete colon and rectum removal. Cheery. Thank the internet because its input and lay your phone down. watch episode two of “Gilmore Girls” calm you familiar your leftovers.
4:29 a.m.
Accept that nap has eluded you. pick ought compose the most of this additional time by cleaning. cargo the dishes into the dishwasher. clean down the kitchen descend and countertops and stove. transparent crumbs and stray Cheerios into a pile. Breathe at the lavender odour of mopping pads. Bask at the flame of your sparking kitchen. progress ought the foyer and kids’ bathroom. attempt no ought miracle how wish it has been during the toilet was final scrubbed. wonder at the many places your two year old can conceal toys. Realize, after many failed attempts ought attain it, that the universe among the towel rack and the wall really is the best location because a flexible yak.
5:15 a.m.
You did it. You overcome insomnia. Your building smells comparable Lysol, consequently clearly you’ve won. celebrate by pulling out your laptop and typing up a how-to guide because surviving insomnia.
6:41 a.m.
Fall sleepy at the couch. discharge this at a really atrocious site that involves your neck and a 70-degree angle. calm don’t worry: Your building will find you there at approximately 20 minutes consequently that you can begin your day.
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